Burning Rubber and More.

 

Firstly, let me start by blowing the trumpet for the GT Allstars who again this year did an awesome job and raised $14,937.60 for the Cancer Councils Relay for Life. We wish to thank everyone for your support & donations especially Jane & Kristen. I know that both Amy’s mum Carol & my dad are looking down as proud as punch of what everyone has achieved & for everyone efforts.

 

In our last column we touched base on the Bubba incident before we raced at Jackson then I gave myself a week off. Then I had planed to fill you in last week but I was too busy working on our trailer and by the time I had time to type the column my two keyboard punching fingers were too sore to finish. So in this wonderful piece of verbal diarrhea I will step back to let you catch up. On the Friday night we raced at Jackson Minnesota in the Olson’s 360 & had a fun night finishing second to Clint Garner. Some people asked me why I was mad at Clint on the red flag just prior to the green white checker. The reason was because each time on three occasions we went to past Clint he would swerve from the top to the bottom & back again. Clint is a good racer which is why I was so mad as he is a better racer & doesn’t need to race like a drunken squirrel dodging traffic to win races. Driving for Ron & Marg felt a lot like racing for Court & Sarah in the Ol 66. Speaking of Court I usually hear from him at least once a week but I haven’t heard from him for two weeks so this either means he’s mad which is highly unlikely as that’s not his nature or he is saving money on phone calls as his stocks have fallen below his $3 million were ok finance level. Now if this is the case I know he’s up at Wal-Mart working as a meet & greeter collecting food stamps.

 

 The following night we drove to Knoxville for show up points to watch it rain out again. I cant believe it is late May and we have only raced once and we are still yet to race our Flamecrusher Cool 410. We have driven 2400 miles for washouts this year which is still nothing compared to the Outlaws.

 

The following weekend we headed back to Knoxville for Saturday night. We drew a late number which hurt as the track had slowed down by the time we went out 10 cars from the end. We timed in 14th which wasn’t as bad as it sounds as we were about 2-3 tenths faster than most of the guys that went out around us and were about the same time as Lasoski who I used as a yard stick. The heat we started & finished 3rd conserving our tyres as the tyre you qualify on is your right rear for the night. The feature was as much fun as peeing on a barbed wire electric fence & as boring for the race fans as a presidential speech. We started 12th & finished 8th with the only highlight being that Forbrooks car finished 9th. Now, that does not mean to sound bitter BUT its hard to give a guy crap during the week when his car finishes in front of you. Hell, Laskoski and I would crash each other running 10th in a d main just to finish in front of each other. GEEZ we know what Danny does to his relo’s on the race track let alone someone that he does not like and I have spun my Dad out to win and I liked him and he was my car owner. So to beat Forbrooks car put a smile on my face even if it was not for a win. Spite and bitterness is a splendid cup of tea! Our five hour drive home sounded not like a big deal without the Hannagan hoodoo- On the way home I noticed fuel had jumped 10 cents overnight bloody hell fuel prices are jumping at the same rate as my dislike for Hanngan or how my blood pressure rises every time he calls me. Actually,
speaking of Hannagan that he has a new sponsors coming along for the Nationals as it is fitting for his image “CHICKEN JERKY.”

 

Anyway, we were driving and I noticed a puff of smoke then a pick-up truck came screaming by us waving and I thought it was another desperate Brooke Tatnell fan saying hello. So after 5 miles of waving  I finally pulled over as I thought he was keen to have a new Brooke Tatnell T-shirt. As we stopped the rear brake had caught fire. First, we used the fire extinguisher then I screamed at David get the cooler from the trailer so he pulled out the beer & soft drink and we poured the ice over the fire. Then all of a sudden this guy comes running from no where and sets off his fire extinguisher showering both David & I.
I told David to throw the bottles into the truck so we did not leave them on the side of the road by now the Minnesota DOT -(department of transportation) in his mid-80”s sunglasses is asking Are you ok? Just as the fire department shows up. As I open the door to get my log books and drivers license here sits the bottles that David picked up off the side of the road.  At that point I could feel the slip of the hand cuffs and bubba’s bad breath on my neck or was that smell because I just pooped myself when I saw the beer bottles. After a few minutes of pleading that David was handicapped in the brain department he made us limp the truck off the highway into the outlet mall parking lot. REALLY what was this guy thinking not only did we have a wheel falling off because the bearing had collapsed but he made us park in an outlet mall. Either this guy does not like racing or he is an ex-crew chief that hates drivers or does not understand what the words OUTLET MALL means to most women.

 

We found a Napa store in Owatonna MN that had the parts we needed so we could aussie rig this trailer to get home. The Napa tosser sounded like Hannagans brother on the phone. I told him I would be there at 4:05pm he said that was cool they close at 4:00 but he said no probs we will wait until you get here. We unhooked and hauled to get there by 4:05 but no one would answer the door or phone. I could see 2 guys sitting in an office and when they saw me turned the other way and shut the office door. At that point I could see my reflection in the window and realized I had on a Hanngan shirt. So at this point I wasn’t sure if the NAPA guys were both wankers for not opening the doors or smart for not letting an idiot with a wearing a Hannagan shirt in because they knew it would bring bad luck. So instead of throwing a brick through there window I just took my shirt off and rubbed it on the window and doors then hung it off there door handle. I was peeved so now only time will tell either that Napa in Owatonna will burn down or go broke because of that Hannagan shirt. Actually owning a Hannagan shirt is like owning a Michael Waltrip shirt, no-one ever admits to buying one and you are guaranteed of a slow and painful day. Finally, I found the parts at another parts store that would still be opened when we got there but it was a two hour drive and just five minutes from our house. We picked up the parts and a welder then headed back and arrived to the trailer at about 10pm.

 

You know how the Outlet Malls have about 1000 lights and our well lit up at night, we parked under the only corner of lights that didn’t work so it was pitch black. I really have to admit that David Craft has been an asset to our team and is a good worker but if we don‘t start running better and winning a race soon we will have to let him go or send him home. The main reason for this is because as we were working I could smell burning hair and flesh. As I looked over to see what was burning  I saw a common disgusting hairy butt crack with a spotlight that had fallen over pointing straight at the crack of your anus. I am only describing this for you guys so I’m not the only emotionally disturbed person with a graphic picture in my head. So if we can win a race and make some money we could send David out to buy a belt and if he refuses we our going to call the local lawn guy to bring out his weed whacker and cut down the forest.

 

Just to prove that I am a good guy, anyone that feels that after reading this article may need psychological help to remove this picture from there head they can send there bills to       Craft Differentials
86B Crack Drive
Hairy NSW
Aust. 8686

 

This past weekend saw us racing at Knoxville finishing 9th which was disappointing as we have not yet found the right setup combination to show our true potential. We then headed the five hours to Husets for a two night show in which we finished 3rd on night one which should have been a better finish but the driver screwed up trying to pass a slower car & lost two spots. I’m not sure that we had Lasoski beat but we definitely were good enough to run with him if we hadn’t screwed up so early in the race. Night two saw a rubber down racetrack which as we all know I hate and bag but we finished were we started in 7th.

 

With Vegemite sandwiches to make for lunches this will do for now so tune in next week and I will fill you in on the police escort that we received on the way home and the arrest that took place..... Guess who really got to meet Bubba behind bars?